Being Sober in a World of Drinkers

Being sober in a world of drinkers

It's frustrating to live in this world...
as someone that used to be a heavy heavy drinker, a borderline alco-fucking-holic at one stage, as someone that started drinking at about 11/12 years old and continued to do that all throughout teenhood into adulthood and beyond, to now be a 30 year old "man" that is sober and hasn't touched a drop in over a year to now live in a world that is FULL to the brim of drinkers, party goers, ravers, festival attendees and drug heads, it isn't easy. Everywhere I look, from Facebook to Snapchat, Instagram to Tinder, all I see is this culture... this "drink culture" and it's a culture I am just not apart of anymore nor do I ever wish to join it again. I lived it for many many years and got myself into more fucked up states than I can count on both hands 100 times over. I saw and experienced some of the most ridiculous shit you could imagine. I spent my drinking days like MANY others out there... doing stupid shit, talking stupid shit, fighting and attacking people, arguing, crying, laughing, joking, falling around and fooling around, eating like a wild animal that had been starved for several days, crashing out in the streets and other strange places and situations, puking up, getting lost, being a cunt and in some cases pissing and shitting myself, quite literally, I do not lie. I also found myself getting arrested dozens of times for alot of stupid shit. I had fall outs with family, friends and partners for fuck sake, and we ALL know that is a very common thing to happen within the realms of drinking (and doing drugs) and it's sad. And too often people DIE from drinking, I'm not talking about from liver disease or other alcohol related health issues but from falling over and hitting their head, from doing stupid shit and from fighting... ever heard of One Punch Killer?? look into it... it'll shock you to your core!! Life changing shit... alcohol... drinking... it changes lives and it kills people by the millions!! It's insane!!! I done and experienced things that people just should not do and experience... but this culture and way of life has become so deeply ingrained into our society if you don't drink, you're abit weird, abit of an oddball. Which baffles me now, when you look at how people act in that world, it baffles me that people continue to live within it like it's good for you in any way, shape or form, and the hangovers, nobody likes them, they're quite literally your bodies way of coping with internal poisoning, because that is what alcohol is, it's poison, but still as a culture we keep doing that to yourselves, why?... I will talk about that another time. I feel like for most of my adult life the only reason I drank was to fit in... so I had friends, and I know that sounds really really sad and pathetic but it's true. On several occasions in my life I went extended periods of time being sober, sometimes months and sometimes for a year or so but the fact is everybody I knew and met did just that, drank every weekend, in some cases every day or every other day, they all did drugs and went to pubs and clubs.... so... I just felt for me to actually have friends I had to join in... I've never really spoken of this before I don't think, this is the first time I have opened up about it... but there were alot of times where I would just want to hang out and do something different with these "friends" but it was never really on the cards... it wasn't really an option, everything revolved around drinking.. and at some points I feel that may have contributed to the demise of certain friendships. I wanted something else, something different, something more. And this happened throughout my entire drinking life up until a year ago during my relationship with my youngest sons mum, before she got pregnant she was a big party girl, pub goer and loved that life style, I mean, she was 21.. and that's what all 21 year olds do, right?... and I couldn't cope... with my anxieties, insecurities and paranoid shit self I ended up drinking every time she went out, on my own, and every weekend we were together... everything was just drink here drink there lets go for one blah blah blah... I just went with it, I was falling for her and didn't want to lose that... I have issues. But I just went with it and it was messing me up, I didn't want to be doing that, it wasn't me, but I did.. once again just to fit in and be accepted. It's pathetic really. I wish things were different.. but they will never be anything other than that, a "drink culture" where the vast majority drink, party, go to pubs and clubs and rave at festivals. Another reason why I feel I just don't fit in and belong here... not just in this town, but this world. But that's just my view. How I feel. Not everybody, well very few will think this way, as the masses are apart of this "drink culture" of the West. I don't plan on ever drinking alcohol ever again. However... we all know how plans change ey?... so many times lately I've just wanted to get a bottle and drink myself to death.... I have been so low I've just wanted to get wasted..... on my own... in my home.... there are times where I just want to do that.... but I don't.... I'm so passionate about being sober I just don't.. so I sit and feel all of these hellish emotions without any mask... I don't cover it.. I feel it all.... and I know deep down that is the best thing to do... drinking only leads me down darker roads... makes me feel worse for days after.. and I don't want that.... so... I stay sober.... in a world of drinkers... I stay sober.