WOW... I just wrote a whole piece.. well nearly... and accidentally deleted it... I type so fast my fingers go all spacky and ...poof there it goes... I guess I'll start again ey... maybe save it every couple of lines!!! Fuck sake.
Anyway... I was saying..
Do you wanna hear something ironic? And something actually quite hilarious.... so if you look yesterday you will see I wrote a blog piece talking about the "drink culture" and how I don't wish to be apart of it anymore, after spending all of my teenhood and most of my adulthood being a fucking heavy drinker I've spent the last several years trying to stop... and I have gone 1 year and 3 months without it... until today!!! Here I am, a big bottle of vodka.... drinking away!! LOL Isn't that funny!? But in all honesty... I'm not just drinking because I have nothing better to do or because it's "just what I do"... no... no no... my youngest son's mum has decided to call it quits after 1.5 years. Yep, the girl that spent a vast majority of our relationship talking about our future, talking about having a family with ME... showing her desperation to marry me because then she will be sure that I won't leave (which makes no sense, you can get divorced lol) and she just spent alot of time telling me how much she loved me and telling me how I should know she does....?? Really??... and then... she just leaves?.. And the reason was... because of how much we argue... we've been arguing since day uno (several weeks into our relationship I'd say lol) and we ALWAYS made it clear that no matter how much we argued we would fight through it, we both felt strongly about overcoming battles and pushing forward because that is what you do when you love someone. And we did that, every fucking time!!! And it was HER, SHE was the one that feared ME leaving!!! LOL. And I know, you're probably thinking, "yeah but if you always argue" blah blah blah, and while I do get that view, I have to say, we both suffer with mental health, both experienced alot of shit in our lives and we just understand that about each other so that gave us the ability to get through shit, knowing that there is more to our arguments than the reason we are arguing, yano? But suddenly... she opts out... just like that... it completely baffles me. SO I have caved... I buckled.. I gave in... I'm now doing something I despise and detest with a passion... this isn't me.... I don't handle shit like this anymore, not in this way... I'm stronger than that!!!!.... But... not this time... my weaknesses are showing.... I'm not gonna lie... I just wanna die.
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